Inviting people to eat at your place..

[telecom_goddess]

I also hate the "guys always pay" crap. Granted, my bf will pay when we go out 60% of the time (I snag the 40%!) but he does make more than I

My bf and I pay alternately depending on which week it is and who got paid that week. He makes a lot less than I do but by the same token I pay for everything like rent/cable/internet/electricity etc. We do the same for grocery shopping, buy the food on alternating weeks.

[aurelemsrealm]

If you invite someone, you should be prepared to pay for them, in my opinion. If they offer to pay for themselves, you can graciously accept or refuse the offer as you like. Myself, I'm always a little uncomfortable when someone else offers to pay for me, even if they invited me. I always try to pay for myself, regardless.

As for dating, the same rule should apply. The person who offers the invitation should be the one to pay for the date, no strings attached. I'll also add that the person who asks someone on a date should also take some initiative to make the plans for the date, too. I usually paid unless the lady was insistent on paying her way, though, because that's the expectation.

The part that always used to frustrate me about dating was when the women would ask me out, then expect me to plan and pay for everything. It always left me wondering if they really were interested in me after all. Yet, they'd act puzzled if I didn't ask for a second date, or declined any future invitations they offered.

[Racket_Man]

as my GF and I live together we have worked out a system for going out on dates and some household expense things and such.

For movies one time I pay for the movie part and she pays for the popcorn and soda. the next time we reverse.

for groceries we try and split it as evenly as possible.

for b-days the non b-day person pays

and for Xmas well since we have a combine household gifts are usually along the lines of "Hey I know you needed a new blanket (or robe or maybe something for house)" or something like that.

about 2 years ago when I went to see my Mom, I contacted a lasped friend. I knda lost contact with him when I moved way out of the area 20 years prior. he insisted we go out to dinner and he would pay. now he has a really nice mangement type job and loads of income but I tried to insist that I pay for my part of the meal, but eventually he paid for it all. I know that I do not make the kind of money he does anymore but I am not all that poor.

as for inviting someone over to your house and then after the meal demanding payment that is rude and greedy.

[muses_nightmare]

I've never really "dated" I've gone out with a total of two guys, one was all of 2 days. Yeah, when me and my bf first started going out he did actually pay for a lot of stuff, because he liked doing that, I would alway offer. Though we were pretty much joined at the hip from the beginning and we live together now, and have a joint bank account. I always find it strange when people in very long term relationships still have seperate finances, not that there's anything wrong with it, it's just not what I've done personally.

I do think the idea that the man has to pay is stupid, I mean, aren't we supposed to be all equal? I know I open doors for guys all the time, though I think that's more to do with my unfailing Canadian politeness.

[Rapscallion]

I do think the idea that the man has to pay is stupid, I mean, aren't we supposed to be all equal? I know I open doors for guys all the time, though I think that's more to do with my unfailing Canadian politeness.

We've got laws over here, and in other places in the developed world, whereby women cannot be paid less than men just because they're women. Still happens quite a bit, last time I heard. http://www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=167 for some UK stats of recent times.

Supposed to be, sure. Actually? In comparable jobs, it's not looking good.

Rapscallion

[muses_nightmare]

That's why I said supposed to be. Rather than are. I also never mentioned pay or work at all. I think socially, in terms of dating and such women and me should be considered equal. Doesn't mean they are, just that there's no reason they shouldn't be.

[KellyHabersham]

Sometimes I wish there was a way to bring up the "who pays?" question before a date, in a way which isn't awkward. This being because (as I think I mentioned in an earlier response to this thread), during the last date I went on, the guy waited until the check came before mentioning that he was expecting to split the cost.

Which I didn't have a problem with, just the way he went about it was kind of odd to me........he said "Don't worry about it , I have it covered" and paid with his credit card, but also asked the waitress to make change from one of the $20 bills which I had. Then he estimated how much what I'd ordered had cost, and had me pay him back using the said change. And I just found this to be kind of cheap/sneaky......especially since he'd admitted earlier that he wouldn't mind paying for an alcoholic drink if I wanted to order one.

[lordlundar]

Going back to the original issue (being invited to someone's place to eat then being charged for it), just no. If I'm invited over to a place, then I'm a guest, not a customer. And if there's no mention that I'll have to pay before I agree to the invite, then that's entrapment at best. What are you going to do if I refuse to pay because of the false pretense? Detain me? Have me arrested? Sue me? The law is very much not in your favor at that point.

As for the date, unless otherwise agreed upon earlier, it's assumed the one asking would be the one paying, because once again, the one being asked is a guest.

[HYHYBT]

Right. You don't pay to be someone's guest, you instead reciprocate now and then.