Roomies from Hell

[protege]

Wow, he really was stupid.

Maybe, maybe not. She might have been desperate, and he was smart enough to tell her exactly what she wanted to hear. That might have worked on her...but not with women his own age. They all thought he was an asshole

[depechemodefan]

In fact, the only girl he *could* get...was 13 years

Da Fuck? Wow, he really was stupid.

[protege]

I had an interesting roommate in college...

This guy, claimed to be from an "extremely rich" family. Yet, he tooled around in a beat-up Chevy Cavalier that he proudly bought from a junkyard. Now I know that some people with money really don't care about what they drive. But, he wasn't one of those people. Just because your parents live on a farm and raise cattle doesn't mean that you have money. It's an expensive hobby--trust me on this.

He'd rant and rave about how "all the girls" want him. Yet, as long as I knew him, he tended to scare them off. Just about everyone I knew thought he was a loser. In fact, the only girl he *could* get...was 13 years old He's 20, in college, and she was in 7th grade. Let that sink in a minute or two. I met her when she came over one morning. Nice enough girl, but I soon grew to want to strangle her.

Why, you ask? Simple, the bitch would call *every* fucking morning at 6am and whine about having to go to school. He'd pick up the phone, and I'd be treated to a drunken conversation about her life. Got around that problem by turning the phone off at night Of course, he'd get pissed, but oh well.

But, back to the 13-year-old girlfriend. Halfway into the semester, he decided that he was going to finally dump her ass. Apparently, he wanted to chase Rhoda (the dorm slut...who would fuck anything that moved) instead. He sure was pissed when *she* turned him down--even sluts have standards apparently But seriously, as this was going on, he started whining about how people (including myself) were telling him to be careful when breaking it off with his 13-year-old. Since she was a minor (and under PA's age of consent), she could have easily made it difficult for him. Statutory rape, in other words. When presented with that, he told us that we "didn't know what we were talking about," and that if he did get busted, he'd get away with it because he had money. Uh, sure.

While that was going on, he was usually plastered most nights. Since he was drunk, I'd make myself "disappear" until about 10 or so. By then, he'd be asleep and I wouldn't have to deal with the stupidity. But, after several instances of being loud and obnoxious, the other residents in the dorm had enough. They were pissed, and ready to beat the shit out of him.

It never came to that though. After his last coming home drunk, falling down in the hall, and waking up the entire floor, several guys got even. They waited until I was across the hall helping someone with homework. They went in, wrapped a sheet over him, and stapled his drunk ass to his wooden bedframe Oddly, he never came home drunk after that. Don't know where he went, don't care. And yes, he whined that people "were jealous of him because [he was] rich."

Yep, that was another pet peeve. It was always that people were jealous. It was never because he was lazy, or because he was an asshole. For example, he was constantly whining about how the basketball coach was always "on his ass" for one thing or another. Now, I know the coach--he's a family friend, and has been for years. He has a well-deserved reputation for being tough. Tough, because he wants the team to do well, and has a reputation to uphold. He really is a nice guy. Work hard, stay out of trouble, and he'll go out of his way to help you out. With that said, I knew that something was up. Coach wouldn't treat you like shit unless you deserved it.

At least I didn't have to deal with him for long--he ended up failing out at the beginning of sophomore year. Lack of studying landed him on academic probation the previous semester, and he might have been busted for the 13-year-old girl thing as well.

[insertNameHere]

semi related, my gf just got another person looking to see if they still have a spare room at their apartment and a quick online check of this person results in me not instantly hating them, which is good since generally I HATE anyone on craigslist. Although from the e-mail I was actually able to learn a decent amount about the person at least well enough to support the story given to the GF. As well as the fact this person and her husband love twitter and instagram which made it real easy to get an idea about the wife who would stay a few days a week to avoid an 90min commute.

of course the gf went hard sale route of bringing up having a male roommate and is this good instead of leading with the lighter details. I was just kind of hoping to not have to move her out in a month now that I have a new job starting. Along with me not wanting some random flaky person like ALL previous possibilities that contacted her who sounded down right shady and never able to speak on the phone and prove it wasn't some creepy guy looking to catch a girl alone in her apartment or just looking to rob the place

[Skunkle]

In my experience, most serious kinky people are really forgiving.

Smiley, is there any chance-- well, you know how you've come to expect intolerance of gays in Utah? Any chance your roomies expect it so firmly that anything but full-on participation strikes them as complete intolerance?

Not that I'm disagreeing that there's a chance they're just not very nice.

[insertNameHere]

Smiley.... pics or it hasn't happened. But seriously, lol glad you defined kink because my mind was racing towards all the dark possibilities of the internets. Really what you mention isn't to bad reminds me of why I'm not allowed to hangout with the GFs ex friend, mainly because of ridiculous pain tolerance

[siead_lietrathua]

wait, buh, wha? smiley, your roomie makes my head explode. anyone kinky with half a brain knows that not everyone has the same kinks. and being a passive aggressive butt because someone doesn't want to play with you is shit-tactics to manipulate consent.
i'd say slap them upside the head but they might like it. :P

[smileyeagle1021]

My roommate seems so much better by comparison now. Aside from him being a sexist and a chauvinist and lazy to boot, he's not that bad.
yeah, him and his girlfriend rent our second bedroom, and he's gotten it into his head that cleaning is beneath him, that's a woman's role... he only has clean clothes because he yells at his girlfriend to get her to do it, and his dishes only ever get done because I will not live in a filthy hovel and I clean them because I can't stand the sink overflowing with dirty dishes. The one thing I refuse to clean is his steamer, because I can hide that in the corner. Oh, and for added fun, we used to have our (his and hubbies, and my) friends over every week... they are into kink, and he decided that he didn't want them coming over anymore because we weren't into kink... we were open to them, we didn't judge, we all had a great time, but because we drew the line at when it got to the point in the night when the kink started happening we would not participate, we were willing to either stay and still talk with them while they were doing the kink stuff or we were willing to retire to our rooms at that point, but he decided that sense we weren't willing to go "all the way" they would have to find somewhere else for everyone to meet because we simply weren't open minded enough (yeah, because not wanting to get whipped or tied up or anything like that myself is clearly a judgement against those who do).

[SongsOfDragons]

O/T

D'aaawww!! Goochie!! Best cutest rainbow squidlet ever.

[/squee]

[AccountingDrone]

That is the cutest teddy!

I have a white/pastel teddy bear, and goochie that I plan to bash together into a teddy-cthulhu - I checked, and I can gently stitch them together so that goochie is over the face so it looks tenticular.

gootchie

[RedRoseSpiral]

These stories are why I got a cheap one bedroom and live by myself until I move to Australia.

[Lillfilly]

I'm reminded of a roommate, one of 3, that I had for an internship. Not only did she push her bible in our faces every time we did something she didn't approve of (we never did anything that broke the rules, it could be as simple as what we ate, or what music we liked), she went apeshit over the strangest things.

For my birthday my mom sent me THIS (it's a teddy bear that's really an alien!). When I showed it to the roomies and took the 'face' off, this roommate FREAKED and started screaming how it was satanic and evil and I WOULD get that thing out of the apartment or she was going to burn it! She would not listen to reason! I had to hide it for the rest of the internship!

[AccountingDrone]

My ex-fiance and I [back in 1983] moved in together. He had some funky-assed lease that stated that *all* 3 bedrooms would have tenants in them. Didn't matter that we were down with paying for the entire house ourselves, Asshat insisted on a 3d roomie. So he saddles us with a guy. It turns out that he was an ex-con. Mysteriously my gas mileage tanked from 20 to the gallon to 5 or 6 to the gallon. Yes, a 74 mustang with a rebored engine *can* slurp down some gas when pedal is planted to the floor, but not the way I drove on normal back roads between house and work. So I put a locking gas cap on , that mysteriously got damaged And our food kept mysteriously vanishing a little bit at a time [especially the cereal and milk]. And this jackass would sit there and read his bible if anybody except Dan or I were there.

So we decided to make him GO AWAY. First up was the chocolate milk. Dan bought a box of chocolate ex-lax, and a 2 quart carton of premade chocolate milk. He openly chugged a glass in front of the jerk and put the carton in the fridge, and ran a little water in the glass and swished it around. [we loaded the dish washer in the evenings after dinner. Til then everything got a quick rinse and set aside.] When the jerk went out 'job hunting' [on a saturday, in early 80s western NY, *not*] Dan took the blender, dropped half the box of ex-lax in and gently added about half a cup of almost boiling water as he hit puree. Then he added the milk when the ex-lax cooled off and hit blend to homogenize it together. Poured it gently back into the carton. Next morning, he poured a dab in a glass, then rinsed it out and set it in the sink. He did this about every other day for a week until the carton was empty. Oddly enough, the jerk was having some sort of 'stomach bug' that whole week. Poor sucker lost about 10 pounds.

We waited a week. By this time he had been living there for 3 months, and Dan heard through the grapevine that jerk had paid first and last month rent, and that was *it* - nothing more from him. Phase 2 - Dan went out and bought a new blender. Old blender got a small swatch of pink fiberglass insulation, a few shakes of red pepper flakes and a few black peppercorns added to it, and blended until everything was a lovely almost invisible powder. Which got put into an old turkey baster that I brought with me. Dan went into jerk's room and gently whiffled the itching powder around inside the bedding, the hanging clothing and the top layer of clothing in the drawers. We dispose of the evidence in a heavy black garbage bag under a whole bunch of coffee grounds, onion peels and yucky stuff. We wait until he gets home. He goes in to take a nap. We hear him banging around changing into shorts or whatever he sleeps in. Nothing for about 15 minutes, then a bit of swearing, and a shower. Then silence for another 15 or so minutes, then lots of swearing, another shower, still more swearing, then about 10 minutes later his buddy shows up with a small paper bag. Shower runs again - then lots of really loud swearing, and him storming out bitching about getting qwell or whatever lice shampoo his buddy brought him in his eyes and is buddy hauls him off to the ER for treatment. He strolls back in swearing he is going to sue the landlord for the 'bedbugs' and is surprised when we mention that we aren't having any sort of problem with bugs ... He gathers everything and moves out suddenly - luckily I am on vacation and Dan worked from home because we caught he and his buddy trying to wander off with some stuff like our TV, the stereo, and some fancy kitchen stuff of mine ... it turns out that the landlord had just served him with eviction papers. Apparently when you are on probation they really don't like it if you get hauled into court for anything, especially nonpayment of bills

Since then, I have made sure that I was the controlling name on every lease. And since the Glen and Eileen debacle, any roomie situation has also had a lease laying out what chores around the place are done by whom.

[insertNameHere]

Reminds me of my old college roommate who was on my ass about not paying utilities to the landlord and how I should act like an adult and pay my bills. I had to tell him to go fuck himself. I paid for my rent in advance because the landlord offered me 10% discount, and I had another 2 months till I had to pay again. He couldn't figure out unless the landlord does the numbers and tells me what I want, I can't pay. Also, considering roomie was 7months behind in rent and the landlords childhood friend from a broken home is the only reason he wasn't out on his ass for lack of payment.

For a few months roommate from hell was unemployed and dropped out of school for financial reasons. He got greatly offended when I moved my PS3 to my room because he rented a game for it and was playing that while eating all my food whenever I was at class. Only reason he ended up with employment is landlord pulled strings with a few buddies to get him a crap job so he might pay some money that was owed.

I hate when you try and help people and only ask simple reasonable requests that they make out to be a complete attack on them.

[Greenday]

Wow. She hadn't cleaned the kitchen in two months and had the balls to complain about the mess other people were leaving?

Sounds like my senior year roommates. I shared an apartment with four other guys. They were all in the same frat house and our apartment somehow became an official frat house. They'd leave clothes and shit all over the living room and expect me to sort their clothes. They'd never take out the trash. They never did their dishes. Bathroom was rarely cleaned (Except for the shower. Somehow that always remained perfectly clean.). The day before graduation day (I was the only one in the apartment graduating that year), I warned them all that I had a bunch of family coming over and they wanted to see where I lived. Woke up the next day and the place was COMPLETELY trashed. They were nowhere to be found. I was so embarrassed. We got back and their pledges had cleaned most of the place up. Laziest bastards ever. Racist against white people too which just added to things.