People Who Won't Speak Up...

[Slytovhand]

Life is a game. People play games. When they lose, they need someone to blame (and feel guilty), so that next time, they can win that game.

He (pizza-loser) lost. Now, he needs to blame you, and make you feel guilty - that way he has 'won' (in his feeble-mindedness). It's total and complete BS. Basically, he's blaming you for his lack of self-esteem and assertiveness... tough shit to him!!!

Hints are never good... I tend to be much more blunt... "Dude, it's getting late, I'm going to have to kick you out now". Or, "This isn't a good time, so you're going to have to leave. I'll catch you later". Polite, respectful, honest... to the point. (And, they can't come back later and say "well, why didn't you say so??")

HyHYBT - I disagree (slightly). If you're asked where you want to go/what you want to see, I'd make it clear what doesn't work - and then let others decide. When ordering food, I just say I don't eat peppers.. simple, easy, no complaints! (basically similar to you, but different topic). I wouldn't waste my friends' time by saying "anything is fine", have them order something, and then say "No, I don't eat that". For you, it'd be "Anywhere but Taco Bell". Again, simple, to the point, not rude or disrespectful - and everyone gets what they want quickly and easily.

[HYHYBT]

On things like what movie to see or where to eat, there *is* a difference between not having something in mind as what you specifically want and knowing that there are certain things you DON'T want. For example: if you ask me where we should have lunch, I probably won't pick a place, because I like MOST of the ones available and am not in the mood for anything in particular. That doesn't mean it's unreasonable, if you then say, "OK, let's go to Taco Bell then," for me to speak up and say I'd rather we didn't.

(Had you said Subway, Wendy's, Burger King, Pizza Hut, KFC, Checkers, Zaxby's, Captan D's, Krystal, Chick-fil-A, McDonald's, Dairy Queen, or Arby's, I'd have been fine. So: not picky, not particular, you just happened to hit a bad spot.)

But that's a different (though related) situation than the OP example.

[blas87]

I'm pretty good at picking up on other people's body language and whatnot, I just sometimes tire of being in the presence of people who are so either unable to properly communicate or don't want to, that they feel they always need to drop hints, or constantly sigh, or whatever else to try to "force" to see what they want or don't want.

I just feel in this case, you snooze, you lose.

It's one thing if you made your choice clear, and someone wants to be an ass about it and come back at you later and say that wasn't sufficient enough, but when someone just shrugs or stares and won't say "I want to go here to eat dinner" or "I want to see this movie", so you take the initiative, then later on get called bossy or selfish....it gets old.

[DrFaroohk]

This sounds like me lol....although I DO tend to speak up at some point, I'm just not a begger. I've given the information, it was processed and ignored. That's good enough for me.

Like with our house issue, having trouble affording it. Guess who said, on three seperate occasions, to all parties involved, "Hey, we can't afford this house." Now suddenly it's on me cuz I wasn't persuasive enough. FUCK THAT.


And sometimes I think people should be able to take a hint. If my friend is over watching TV with us, and my wife and I want to go have sex, I'm not gonna be like "Hey dude, get out so we can fuck." I'll say "<YAWN> Well it's gettin pretty late...."

And if you can't figure that out, you suck.

[blas87]

..and then get mad that they didn't get their pick, their way, their choice, whatever.

Just another example of passive aggressive at its core. These people irritate the living hell out of me.

Use your words. Your big boy/girl voice. SAY what you want! NO ONE is psychic!

For instance: the other night at work, for some reason, one of my coworkers brings way too much food to work, and usually pawns it off on others when she realizes she doesn't want it. She had two mini pizzas from Pizza Hut, forget what they are called. Anyway, she had two of them, one was pepperoni and one was supreme. I really didn't want one, but I figured I could either eat it on last break or take it home for later.

So, there's me and one other coworker who she's offering them to. He doesn't speak up. When she asks who wants which one, he does his usual shrug and *blinkblink* look, and I say I'll take pepperoni. He shrugs at me again, goes *blinkblink* again, and I go grab the pepperoni one and put it in the fridge for later.

I end up pretty hungry on last break, so I decide to eat it. He sits down nearby with the supreme one, and starts bitching to a few other coworkers nearby that I made him take the supreme pizza. As if I had hurt his feelings, should have KNOWN he wanted the pepperoni one, he doesn't like supreme, wah wah wah.

I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore him. Then, the next day, he brought it up. AGAIN.

I said, "Look, you didn't SAY what you wanted. You shrugged. I made a choice. No one has all day to wait for you to make up your mind. If you won't make a choice, someone else will."

Of course, that got me ignored for quite a while. I can only hope that sunk in. I doubt it, though. This is the same person that it's harder than moving a sleeping bear, to get him to make a decision or say what he wants to do or what he wants to eat. Yet, I think he does it on purpose so that way, if it's not to his liking, he can blame you.

Gord, I HATE people who refuse to speak up about what they want or refuse to make a decision, and when someone else picks what they want, they get all upset over it.