What is wrong with these people!?

[sophie]

A bit of background : http://www.fratching.com/showthread.php?t=8149

My boyfriend is now my fiance . But the people from the previous post have stopped harassing me.

And now some new people have joined in. I know I'm young, foreign and he's almost ten years older, that does NOT mean alll I want is a green card. I already have citizenship and have for years.

I cant hide where I'm from, my looks give me away in a crowd and I have a slight accent.

Even my poor fiance gets mocked because of this. People say I must be mail order

Or they say it wont work because we come from very different cultures. He was born in the USA in the south of all places and I was born into a repressive dictator-ship that wasn't always so friendly with the 1st world. So far we haven't noticed much difference except for my lack of pop culture knowledge, weird taste in food and respect *cough* fear *cough* of law enforcement and other authority figures( there not having ID on you could mean being imprisoned for 3 + years).

Why are these people so insistent that our place of birth can stop a marriage from working?

[Nekojin]

Why are these people so insistent that our place of birth can stop a marriage from working?

Easy. They're bigots.

[TheHuckster]

You know what they say about "opposites attract" and I think it's doubly so for being from two distinct cultures. Obviously there are certain cases where a couple's cultural differences might conflict with eachother, especially if neither side is willing to compromise, but people who are unable to make those kinds of compromises are likely unable to have a healthy relationship with anyone who is different than they are.

As I read your post, I think of a couple I know who are very similar. The husband was born and raised in Pennsylvania while the wife was born in the Soviet Union before its collapse and met in college. In many ways their relationship reminds me of the Jay and Gloria in Modern Family, where they are confused by eachother's customs in certain ways, but they each celebrate the other's in such a way that is romantic and awesome. They celebrate eachother's independence day, enjoy eachother's cuisine, and the husband is learning her language.

To me, that's the best you can ask for from a relationship. People who enjoy eachother's life so much that they want to experience their differences and strengthen their love as a result.

So, if you and your fiance are looking forward to understanding their differences, and even celebrate them as a loving couple, then I see absolutely no way that your being from two ends of the Earth could ever get in the way of a lasting relationship.

[Ginger Tea]

Is anyone genuinely going to vote yes?

You love him he loves you.
it just so happens that you were not born in the same country as he was, or the same decade. Whatever brought you together, brought you together end of.

If you moved to a different country or State or didn't go there that day, one would hope that you found just as much love with someone else.
If you both make each other happy then that is all that matters in the end.

[SkullKing]

Easy. They're bigots.

QFT

Some people don´t like to live in a world where different ways of life other than their own are feasible.

[HYHYBT]

While I voted no, there is one extra thing to watch out for. My brother's first wife was from another country, and we all passed over what *should* have been warning signs as just a difference in cultures.

[Gravekeeper]

I would vote "possibly" from experience if that were an option.

It really depends on which two countries you're talking about and if the person who immigrated to the other person's country chooses to assimilate or wage social war on their new home. Or has amazingly offensive matter of fact racist opinions on your race. >.> Not out of hatred at all either, just literally raised that way because that's just how her country viewed my race.

Certain culture clashes can be very extreme. Especially when coming out of a controlled media culture like China or Korea. Or collectivist cultures like Japan.

[Kelmon]

Having had several relationships with women from other countries with varying cultural backgrounds, i think it's safe to say that a relationship like this - while by no means impossible or neccessarily difficult to maintain - *can* be more challenging than one with the girl/guy from the next town over.
In the end it's all about keeping an open mind about your differences, in addition to the usual relationship stuff.

As for marriage - i was a witness to my best friend's marriage (swiss-british and chinese), both of them very happily married for years.

So my answer to the poll is a clear "no".

[cindybubbles]

You could be from different countries, yet have the same or similar values. Conversely, you could come from the same country and still have a culture clash. So it doesn't matter where you come from, as long as you are both able to reach a compromise reasonable enough to save the relationship.

[s_stabeler]

There is only one thing I can think of that could cause a problem and I don't think it applies in your case: if one of the parties in the relationship has to change significantly, then it probably wont work. ( basically, you aren't going to make an asshole become a non-asshole just through dating them.)

In short, while marraiges like this can go bad, I think you are past the point of it being an issue.

[Medea]

There's not much I can add to the above except anecdotes:

1. My mum's husband is Turkish while she is English. The biggest cultural difference problem they ever had was arguing over my first half sister's name. It was resolved and they're living happily ever after in England.

2. My dad's wife is French while he is English. The biggest cultural difference problem they ever had was arguing over my second half sister's name. It was resolved and they're living happily ever after, half in England, half in France.

3. My aunt married a Canadian man. He's been my uncle and godfather for 23 years. They have their own business, 3 children and a dog. They're living happily ever after in Canada.

4. My half-Indian best friend dated a half-Indian guy who was born in the same hospital as she was and they lived 2 streets away their whole lives but had never met until they were both 18. They broke up after 6 months.


Congratulations on your engagement! Anyone who says it won't work because of where you were born is a bigoted idiot who doesn't deserve your time.

[bara]

Being from different cultures can make a relationship more difficult. But that would be a challenge, not a deal breaker.

[sophie]

We both understand the differences between our cultures, there have been times where we've had to explain things. That's when we discuss it like mature adults.

[Andara Bledin]

We both understand the differences between our cultures, there have been times where we've had to explain things. That's when we discuss it like mature adults.

This is the key.

If you can sit down and discuss everything that crops up between you, you should be able to have a long healthy relationship.

The only relationships that survive without communication aren't things most people would call relationships.

[Seshat]

We both understand the differences between our cultures, there have been times where we've had to explain things. That's when we discuss it like mature adults.

Then your marriage is likely to be strong.

Being from different cultures is a challenge, not a deal-breaker or deal-maker. Handling the challenge in a mature and sensible way (or not) is what tips the difference.