Men and Women Can't Be Friends

[bara]

I like having female friends. I can talk to a female friend about things Id NEVER bring up with my guy friends.

[HEMI6point1]

I think Billy Chrystal says it best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFWGOKuFyjk

[Duelist925]

Sorry op, but I gotta disagree. I'm a male, and the majority of my friends in hs were female--admittedly because I met most through the mostly female anima club, but thats another story.

Have I had female friends I wanted more from? Yes. Is it the norm for me? Not particularly.

And I really dislike the "cant be friends with someone you wanna bone/date/whatever" mentallity. Its always struck me as an excuse.

[Lace Neil Singer]

A lot of my guy friends are either guys I met when I was already engaged, so they knew from the start that I was "off limits"; or guys I used to know back in primary school when we climbed trees and played football together, so I'd never see them that way at all.

I have three brothers. I've always gotten on better with men than women cuz of that. I've had loads of guy friends, and only once did one of my guy friends ask me out; I just let him down gently cuz I thought of him as a friend, and he was fine with that.

[siead_lietrathua]

i call bullshit on this cant-be-friends mentality. i have a base of about 65% male friends.
that's just friends, not partners or FWBs. those get their own catagory in my head.
there is no sexual want between any of us because we are more like family than friends. i've had them say about me "hell no, it would be like dating my mom/sister/etc" when asked this same question. and ditto. dont get me wrong, i love all my friends. but i love them in a non-sexual manner.

[guywithashovel]

This is something I have wrestled with for the past several years.

When I was young (like teens and very early twenties), I thought, "Sure, why can't you just be friends with the opposite sex?" During my third year of college, in a social psychology class, this came up in class discussion. The professor cited a study (don't have info on it so it'll just have to be anecdotal) where several straight men were interviewed about female friends. According to her, the men said that they would enjoy having female friends, but at the same time, in the backs of their minds they were usually wondering if it would turn into something more serious.

I can echo that sentiment. I've had female friends throughout my life, and yes, I enjoyed talking to them and having them as friends. But with most of them, I'll admit to entertaining notions in the back of my mind of whether it would turn into something more. Now, that shouldn't be read as me constantly wanting to rip off their clothes and ravage them. It's just that, on a subliminal level, I couldn't help but wonder if it would go farther.

If you like having opposite sex friends, then I think you should be mindful that many straight people have a hard time maintaining mere friendships with the opposite sex. They may get along well with them, but at the same time, they can't help but entertain other thoughts and likely get their hopes up, too. If you are befriending a straight member of the opposite sex, you could potentially get them to thinking that you're romantically interested, and when it comes out that you're not, that person could feel like he or she has been "led on" or "played with."

Maybe it's just me, and I know my experience doesn't always reflect reality, but it seems that women tend to enjoy opposite sex friendships a little more than men do. Many of them seem to like having a "male girlfriend" to hang out with. Of course, the guy often thinks that this budding friendship is a warm-up to a relationship, and sometimes it is, though often it isn't. Again, I'm not saying that this is reality, and I'm not saying it's necessarily bad, I'm just saying that this is what it seems like to me.

[Mytical]

I am one of those 'oddball' guys. Just not really interested in sex. Maybe it is because I've been a virgin so long it's just a habit, no clue, but while I find women very attractive, sex is just not important to me.

So yes.I can be friends with a female and not want to have sex with them. ((going to have to start a thread soon about something connected to this)). A lot of our habits are reminents of the past, and should be forgotten. A female initiating should not be taboo, nor if they have a healthy libido should they be considered the slut/etc. A guy can be not wanting to hump anything with a skirt that moves. This is 2012, not 1212..time to stop having so many old preconceived notions.

[jackfaire]

I have the same criteria for my friends as I have for my significant others. If I wouldn't date you I probably wouldn't be friends with you and vice versa.

For me it's not settling to just be friends with someone it just means we never clicked that way.

When I was younger I thought you had to be into everyone or there was something wrong with you seeing as everyone I knew was dating someone every week.

Now I just figure if it doesn't move beyond friendship no big deal.

[BlaqueKatt]

But is it a true friendship if you want to bang or date your friend all the time?

and does having sex make it no longer friendship?
Sex=/=relationship

I'll admit when I was single yup, had sex with my guy friends, why not? We were friends, didn't want to date, didn't want to screw up the friendship, but that is not a reason to not have sex if both parties are ok with it, and go into it knowing it is what it is and nothing more.

[SongsOfDragons]

I can't imagine getting intimate with any man until or unless I am friends with them first. But that's me.

I'm part of several circles of friends, with both men and women, and there are some pairings within each group but we still pile onto the same bed/sofa to watch a movie.

[HYHYBT]

Perhaps orientation makes things different, but I suspect not...

I've never had trouble being friends with either men or women. *Some* of the men, I wished there was more, but nowhere near all.... and even those times, it wasn't a reason not to be friends. Just a reason to respect a boundary.

[Andara Bledin]

There is nothing that states that just because you want to be more than friends that you can't stop at being friends due to there not being mutual interest in escalation.

I suspect that the greatest impediment to the staying friends thing is the expectation that you can't just be friends.

^-.-^

[Greenday]

I, personally, love the totally sexist assumption that all guys want to shag all the girls they know, and no girls would be the same way.

Well, I can only speak from the male perspective and for the majority of guys, it appears to be true. Maybe most women do want to bang the majority of their guy friends. If they do, this is news to me, but quite pleasant news.

I happen to know a number of guys who are, for all intents, asexual. I also know quite a few women who, given the green light, would quite enthusiastically jump in the sack with any one of their male friends.

Those guys aren't like most guys. And those women, well, society has become more accepting of people's lifestyles so they don't have to hide it anymore nor should they have to.

However, just because there exists the idea that you might like to have a more intimate relationship with someone does nothing to preclude the fact that you can be just friends (with varying degrees of intimacy based on mutual respect and open communication.

But is it a true friendship if you want to bang or date your friend all the time?

[Greenday]

Um...Kabe's still my best friend and we're sleeping together. Married even. He's the guy that I would always choose to hang out with no matter what. Isn't that a definition of friendship?

I thought that was the definition of married.

[Andara Bledin]

I, personally, love the totally sexist assumption that all guys want to shag all the girls they know, and no girls would be the same way.

I happen to know a number of guys who are, for all intents, asexual. I also know quite a few women who, given the green light, would quite enthusiastically jump in the sack with any one of their male friends.

However, just because there exists the idea that you might like to have a more intimate relationship with someone does nothing to preclude the fact that you can be just friends (with varying degrees of intimacy based on mutual respect and open communication.

Not every man views every woman as a potential sex object and nothing more.

^-.-^