Men and Women Can't Be Friends

[Greenday]

Whoever wants more is the one that needs to be communicating. Making assumptions regarding what you think the other party wants without confirmation is an entitled douchebag mentality, particularly if you feel the need to get all butthurt when it turns out your assumptions were wrong.

So if one person assumes that the other person wants to be just friends when in reality the other person wants more, they fit your definition, do they not?

[Andara Bledin]

It takes two to tango, and it takes two to be friends.

Whoever wants more is the one that needs to be communicating. Making assumptions regarding what you think the other party wants without confirmation is an entitled douchebag mentality, particularly if you feel the need to get all butthurt when it turns out your assumptions were wrong.

^-.-^

[Kheldarson]

No, it's not. Instigate means to start. So, whoever is really pursuing the relationship (i.e. the one handling more of the invitations, going out of the way to hang out, etc.) should probably be the one to open the conversation on how far they want said friendship to go.

[Sleepwalker]

'instigates the friendship' is an awkward, obfuscating way to put it. I am assuming, of course, that 'instigate the friendship' means 'pursue a sexual/romantic relationship'.

Really, it is a confusing phrase.

[guywithashovel]

And how careful should the person thinking they are going to get their dick wet be? Wouldn't the onus of communication be on the person who expected MORE than was actually happening?

/eyeroll

First off, "get their dick wet" is a crude way to put it.

But to answer the question, the onus of communication would to some extent be on both, but probably more so on the person who instigates the friendship more.

[jackfaire]

Make sure the person you are befriending doesn't misunderstand your intentions. If it's unclear, it can lead to feelings of betrayal and feeling like you've been "played with," even if that wasn't the intention.

Having been on both sides of this I feel the fault is usually with the person that feels like they have been played with.

Usually that is the person playing games and not saying, "Hey I like you as more than a friend" Then they get mad when the other person is dating other people.

"Like wait how do you not know I like you?"

Simple because you never made it clear that you did.

Having to read "signs" is almost impossible because what means "I like you" for one person means "we are just friends" for someone else.

[Sleepwalker]

And how careful should the person thinking they are going to get their dick wet be? Wouldn't the onus of communication be on the person who expected MORE than was actually happening?

/eyeroll

[guywithashovel]

There is something to be careful of when befriending members of the opposite sex.

Make sure the person you are befriending doesn't misunderstand your intentions. If it's unclear, it can lead to feelings of betrayal and feeling like you've been "played with," even if that wasn't the intention.

Also, all too often, people who like opposite sex friendships will befriend people who don't get that much opposite sex attention overall, and that person will think, "Great! My ship is finally coming in!" Then, of course, the rug gets pulled out from under them.

[Andara Bledin]

Mildly OT, but the other day I saw an ad on a Spanish language channel for a sports program. During the ad, they mentioned that they feature both "futbol and football." It amused me.

^-.-^

[Lace Neil Singer]

The correct term for American Football is "Hand Egg".

Like this?

http://www.onlymotivational.com/pict...s-hand_Egg.jpg

I was more pointing it out because we Americans always get laughed at for calling it Soccer like we invented the term when really it was introduced to us as Soccer. I don't think you were doing it or even trying to do it but some people from England will be all.

"My god you yanks so provincial I can't believe you call it Soccer"

My response is usually "Uhm yeah well that's what you called it when you said hey check out this fun game"

I just don't want Americans to be confused when I refer to football; after all, Americans call football "soccer" so that's the term I'll use. I don't like people to get confused.

[wolfie]

The correct term for American Football is "Hand Egg".

Actually, it's (as my mother taught me) "teddyball". After all, the players cuddle the ball like a teddy bear while they run with it.

Personally, I'm not a sports fan, so don't ask me how many touchdowns the Leafs got in the World Series.

[Aethian]

Do I have guy friends? Yes.
Would my guy friends like to sleep with me? No. Their wives/girlfriends would kill me and then them.
Would I want to sleep with any of my guy friends? No, because that would RUIN the relationship of friendship. If their was no chance of ruining the relationship, would I want to sleep with any of them? If I was single then yes I would.
Do I think that those who can't have friends of the opposite sex are immature sexist brats? Yup.

[blas87]

I agree with Andara on her point about women, that's probably always been my problem.

I noticed most of my female friends, which are older than me, are very comfortable with themselves, and don't feel the need to gossip and talk behind other women's backs like so many girls my age *still* do so frequently.

[Andara Bledin]

My friends have usually trended more guys than gals, but that was almost always because other girls tended to view me with suspicion... likely because I've always been friends with a lot of guys, and some girls (who tend to view every guy as a potential mate) are threatened by those of us who don't, because they don't understand the idea of guys as just friends.

So, I'm going to agree with what Gravekeeper said. Especially since as I and my circle of friends has gotten older, there have been more and more women as part of it.

^-.-^

[Kheldarson]

As for the op, I am going to venture forth and label this problem as a function of age/maturity vs upbringing rather than a functioning stereotype. As this issue largely manifests in the younger end of the spectrum with a special caveat for upbringing.

This. My husband and I are kind of opposite. He has mostly female friends, I have mostly male friends. Our friend groups overlap mostly at this point, but generally most of the female friends are from his side and the male from mine. This is because he has one sister and his mom, and I'm the only girl in my family (brothers and male cousins).