My Imminent Divorce

[Peppergirl]

Dick.

Sorry, had to.

That little exchange made me completely lose focus of the fact that the rest of the visit went okay.

Another to you, Ghel.

[SkullKing]

While I see how that would make you really angry, I think things have gone well. From what you said there was no fighting, no large disagreement about what things he could take/you couid keep.

That is good.

Seems he is not vengeful about it all, just doesn´t really understand what and why it is happening, due to being fixated in himself.

[Sarah Valentine]

What an asshole, I can't believe he asked you that when it's clear that you no longer have an interest in him. Don't feel guilty for not crying, at least he's gone now.

[Kheldarson]

I shouldn't be surprised he asked but...Seriously?! Who does that?!

Glad he's gone though. You really don't need someone like him.

[Ghel]

STBEH left just after lunch. Everything went pretty calmly. His BIL came over this morning to help pack up the last few things: the grill and lawn furniture.

I'm still pissed at him over something he said last night. He was downstairs getting ready to go to sleep, and I was upstairs at me computer. Then he texted me.

Him: Can I ask a really blunt question without you getting mad at me?
Me: Maybe. What's the question?
Him: Now I'm afraid to ask. Lol
<five minute pause>
Him: There is no wrong answer and I won't be upset. But are you horny? No expectations. No strings.
Me: No. I'm not horny. <>
Him: Ok. Sorry I asked.

I can't believe he asked me to have sex with him. I can't believe he thought I might say "yes." I can't believe he asked using the words he did. I can't believe he asked me by text. Ok, maybe I can believe it. But I'm still pissed off about it. I'm glad he didn't press it.

I did give him a hug today right before he left. He started crying. I felt bad, in part because I wasn't crying, too.

I'm glad he's gone. He's taken everything he wanted out of the house. Anything that's left is mine, unless I choose to set it aside for him.

[SkullKing]

I hope everything goes alright for you two.

[Ghel]

Yeah, the house still belongs to both of us. There haven't been any showings yet, but there's tons of houses for sale in town, so I'm not surprised.

Things are going well so far. STBEH arrived yesterday evening. He was civil, though he was upset when I balked at giving him a hug. We went out for dinner and had a mostly friendly conversation. I managed not to complain about him not letting me know that his flight arrived safely. We talked about which furniture he was taking and what order he was going to pack it in the trailer.

He offered to sleep in the guest room, but I said I would, since I'm keeping the bed that's currently in the guest room. He was out like a light as soon as he climbed into bed. The dog slept with him last night. I think she's going to miss him when he leaves again.

He left with the pickup truck early this morning to drive to a friend's house who has been storing our canoe. Then he's going to pick up the trailer from Uhaul. A mutual friend is coming over around noon to help load furniture into the trailer.

I still need to pack some stuff from the kitchen for him, including some food items that he likes but I don't, such as his hazelnut coffee syrup (yuck!) and his gin and tonic water (double yuck!).

So that's where things stand right now. I'll update if anything noteworthy happens.

[SkullKing]

I think a big part of making him leave is because it is THEIR house, not HER house. The House is partly his too.

[Sarah Valentine]

If things get to be too much you shouldn't have to be the one that leaves, and if his sister lives in the same town why doesn't he stay with her until it's time for the moving truck to take his stuff and go? I get that you don't want it to be obvious that you don't want him staying with you because it'll turn into an argument, but did he just automatically assume he'd be staying with you even though you're getting a divorce? If I were you I'd tell him it's either a hotel or his sisters house, maybe it's just me but I think he's gonna start something.

[Ghel]

I'm stressing out over having him here tomorrow night. I'm worried he'll try to draw me into an argument, which might turn into a screaming match. I don't think he'll be destructive or try to take more than his share of stuff. I don't want to deal with the argument that asking him to stay at a hotel would likely turn into. I think it's going to be enough of an argument to get him to sleep on the couch after the king-size bed is packed.

If the arguments get too much, I can always walk away. Or drive to a hotel if need be. Hubby's sister lives across town, so I can probably get her to come over if I feel I need someone there.

[Sarah Valentine]

If I were in your shoes I'd make sure to watch him so he takes ONLY what it his, alsa to make sure he doesn't destroy anything of yours. According to me he let the loss of that $3,000 go like it was no big deal. I would've made him stay at a hotel, I wouldn't trust him.

[mathnerd]

I'm not sure why I feel this way, but my gut is screaming to advise you to never leave him alone in the house. Not even for one second. His behavior has been pretty uncharacteristic since this whole thing blew up, so I wouldn't trust his past behavior as any indication of what he's capable of doing now.

[Ghel]

For part of the time, yes. But since he's staying two nights, nobody's able to be here all of the time. I'm just going to have to practice saying, "I don't want to talk about that."

[SkullKing]

Seems like that will just confuse/anger him more, but I get where you are coming from

Did you manage to get a friend to be with you when he comes?

[Ghel]

Well, I ignored the question, at first. Then he asked again, so I told him the question was inconsiderate. (Literally. He didn't consider how it would make me feel before asking me.) He said I was inconsiderate for ignoring the question. (Asshole.) So I told him that no, I'm not looking forward to seeing him. He acted shocked. He even gave the martyring response of "I don't know what I've done to cause you to hate me."

I was talking this over with Mycha tonight, as well as my worries about my STBEH coming Thursday to get his stuff. I'm worried that it'll turn into a screaming match or I'll break down crying. I'm also worried that he'll try to convince me to talk things through. But I came up with this very meta way of explaining it. If he says, "I don't understand why we're breaking up," I'll just say, "that's why."

We're breaking up because he doesn't understand why we're breaking up.