Gimme my license back

[bainsidhe]

Could I get clarification? How is your child-support payment "voluntary" if the government seizes your tax refund to put toward a year's worth of past due payments?

And I realize you seem very set on the once-a-year payment thing, but I get the feeling it has more to do with the very volatile feelings towards the ex than really needing to pay once a year. Granted I don't know you or your situation personally, but you should be able to change your withholdings so weekly payments are possible.

In your efforts to stiff the ex, it sounds like you just end up hurting yourself (lost license, for example)

[siead_lietrathua]

@Ree, i realized my post was childish, hence why i deleted it. let my fingers get ahead of my brain.
aids is something that hits on a very personal level to me and makes me really bitchy, i won't deny it. invoking it as a punishment makes me lose what respect i may have been trying to keep.
i did apologize to boozy for the trouble to him/her in PM.

[Ree]

*The post I was addressing got deleted as I was typing this, but I'm still going to explain what the difference was here.

The difference would be that the dick comment made by DrF was not directed specifically at another member. It was a general comment against people who rule with double standards.
Your comment was directed at a specific member, and that makes it a personal attack.

You are free to tell DrF exactly what you think of his comment, but as Boozy said, it should be done respectfully.

I know I think that wishing AIDS on someone was an incredibly stupid and heartless comment to make, but I suspect it was done for shock value.
In my opinion, it doesn't even "fit the crime".

Seriously, how ridiculous is it to wish a horrible illness on someone just because you feel they aren't treating you as fairly as someone else, or because their logic doesn't match yours?

[Boozy]

No need to report the post. This is a debate forum, you don't need the moderators to fight your battles for you.

If you'd like to take up this topic in debate, go ahead. Just remember to do it respectfully and without personal attacks.

[siead_lietrathua]

A rotten, horrible cunt of a person who deserves to die a slow AIDS death and burn in hell. Seriously.

angry siead rant moment.

If i hear ANYONE invoking AIDS like some kind of divine punishment people deserve i am reporting the post. i dont give a shit how pissed you are. that isn't funny at all. seriously.

/rant

[DrFaroohk]

another person's punishment or lack thereof isn't really your business.

But it is when it's something I'm involved with. I have a right to know that she is being held to the same standard I am. I have a right to expect that I'm not going to be fucked over somehow.

Even if its just a message board. If me and like Gravekeeper start hurling racial slurs at one another, of course the mods don't HAVE to tell me they also punished him. But being all secretive and essentially letting someone get away with one thing that you don't let others get away with makes you a cunt. A rotten, horrible cunt of a person who deserves to die a slow AIDS death and burn in hell. Seriously.

[HYHYBT]

That certainly sounds unfair.... but this sounds parallel to message board complaints about moderators: another person's punishment or lack thereof isn't really your business. Certainly it doesn't change the fact that you are required to pay every week, and that you do not do so. The way to avoid punishment is to obey the rules. Work to get them changed if you like, but in the meantime you have to obey them.

If you had the paternity test and it turned out you *were* the father, would you feel better or worse?

What was going on here is guys were pre-dating the check claiming they had written it and delivered it by due date or the mom was hanging onto the check and not depositing it till well after it was due so they could say they didnt get it.

And the thing is, that game works both ways. Some people get an irrational thrill out of getting their exes in trouble, and so *would* hold the checks and not cash them. And of course some people would send late checks, either because that's when they had the money or because they likewise wanted to inconvenience their exes.

I'm glad my parents behaved like adults. Even aside from the money angle, it made it a lot easier on my brothers and me. Well, aside from the custody suit and the judge's split decision.... but this isn't the time.

[DrFaroohk]

Haha, tried to get it fixed. Asked for a review. Was told no. Asked for paternity test. Sure, if I pay for it myself. That's awesome. Apparently, the only time I could ask was right when he was born. So when I find out later she's a lying slutbag, oh well.

But my favorite part of it all was how I am required to walk this straight and narrow line, and yet when SHE doesn't walk the line, do you think they take her license? Nope. Do they throw her in jail? Nope. I'm told "Oh, well that doesn't apply here."

Oh, but I thought the COURT ORDER was the almighty MANDATE OF THE UNIVERSE! Only when it applies to me, it seems. Edit: To clarify - I HAVE to pay my child support the way they demanded. Not once a month or year, every week, even though the end result is the same. Ok.

Also in our court order it says that if custodial parent relocates, they MUST notify me within 30 days. Ok. Except, it doesn't say "If the custodial parent leaves the state" or "if the custodial parent moves X number of miles away". So this godlike instrument of shit that I'm bound to should also bind her. Except it doesn't. When brought up to the authorities, they're just like "Well, it doesn't really mean that." But that's what it fucking says. It says "If she relocates she must tell me in 30 days". According to everyone's logic, she should be in fucking jail right now!!!! But no, the rules don't apply to her. Only me.

[bara]

While I agree its bullshit to take away some one's license, I also agree that you should just pay it on time.

The nice thing my county does is that you pay directly to the county and then they have an account set with a local bank the mother has access too. So they know damn well you payed and that you payed on time.
Its a good idea since it doesn't allow the moms/dads to cheat the system and make false claims. What was going on here is guys were pre-dating the check claiming they had written it and delivered it by due date or the mom was hanging onto the check and not depositing it till well after it was due so they could say they didnt get it.

Yeah.. some people have no lives.

[Andara Bledin]

A "deadbeat dad" is someone who doesn't pay child support according to the court-mandated order.

If you cannot pay, then talk to the courts and work something else out. If you think you shouldn't be charged at all because she's re-married and half a world away, then talk to the courts and work something out.

Either that, or suck it up and deal with the consequences of what happens to people who don't make payments according to the order and who refuse to do anything to get it fixed so they can or don't have to.

^-.-^

[crashhelmet]

I'll be the first to agree with you that fathers and treated very unfairly in these kinds of situations. But as I said, if they have to garnish it, whether it's voluntarily or not, their system will have you flagged as a deadbeat.

Get the garnishing to stop and start making them on your own. I imagine, like any other bill, you're required to pay monthly. Save money each check that they would garnish anyway and make the payments. Again, if the payments are more than you can truly afford, request to have them reduced.

[DrFaroohk]

I thought deadbeat dad was someone who didn't pay, not someone who paid voluntarily.

Getting tired of that shit. I REQUESTED my wages to be garnished years ago, because my ex kept claiming I was missing payments or claiming I said/did something any time I talked with her, so I wanted to remove her from the equation.

Then they're like "Haha, wages garnished, deadbeat dad."

It's the same with my taxes. I simply cannot pay this money week to week like they want. So I'm doing the next best thing. I LET them take my taxes. It's like one form to sign to make that disappear and she doesn't get shit.

Then they're like "haha, taxes taken, deadbeat bad."

Ummm...no. A deadbeat dad is like the guy who fled the country to get out of his debt. Or a guy who just doesn't pay. I pay. I wish they'd leave me alone and let things go. But no. They have to be assholes about it.

I say, if a woman CHOOSES to take her kid and refuse to let the dad be involved, and chooses a new man to be this kids dad, and that new man says "Yeah I'll be this kids dad" then what the fuck am I paying for? A kid that I MIGHT have fathered?

Fuck this. I may not always get right around to it, but I am really good at fucking up people's lives.

[crashhelmet]

Because of the large number of "Deadbeat Dads" out there, "Deadbeat Dad Laws" have been passed, including the revocation/suspension of driving privileges. If you wait for them to take the money from you, you're going to be considered a "Deadbeat Dad."

If you can't afford to make the monthly ordered payments, go back to court and request that they be changed. bring with you all of the financial documentation that you can to prove what you can and cannot pay.

[Rebel]

...but it's not spousal support, it's child support.

You helped bring a child into the world, which makes you responsible for them, at least until they're 18.
Your ex-wife could marry again one thousand times over, but it still doesn't change the fact that it's your child.
You have to pay the money, on time, just like you'd agreed on a legal document, or you have to face the consequences.
Like losing your license.

[DrFaroohk]

The whole idea is crap anyway. Driving and child support have nothing to do with one another. Don't my speeding ticket? Lose license. Don't pay child support? Lose kid. Seems fair.

Or how about the court could say "Ex Mrs. Faroohk, you made the decision to disallow DrFaroohk from seeing his child, then you made the decision to move him to the other side of the planet, and then you made the decision to accept a NEW man in your life, and this new man has made the choice to accept said Faroohk child as his own. Therefore, DrFaroohk doesn't owe you shit."