Bisexuals: Real Sexuality or Just for Attention?

[Kaylyn]

Regarding pansexuality: I've always viewed it as the idea that you love the person first, before even considering their gender identity, and accepting that there are more gender identities than just male or female.

I identify as genderqueer, or possibly genderfluid (just heard that term recently and kinda liked it). Dunno if I ever mentioned it on here before or not. So I sorta count in the "pan" part of the term. My view of genderqueer, in a nutshell, is though I'm biologically female and have no desire to change my body otherwise, and I do have my girly mindset sometimes, I also have an extremely masculine mindset at others. My job is stereotypically a "man's job" (truck driver) so at work I tend to slip into that mindset, and also when I'm writing (I tend to write M/M romance, and slip into the characters' heads as I write).

When I'm in my male mindset, it's pretty noticeable. I walk differently, I have a different attitude, I tend to be more focused on task, etc. Lately, I've been in a distinctly feminine mindset, as I've focused on my "girly stuff," like crocheting and knitting, and haven't written in over a week.

For extra fun: my feminine side is asexual but panromantic (no real sex drive to speak of, but is attracted to a variety of people; and though I've only had relationships with guys, I wouldn't rule out the possibility of being with a woman/other if my marriage dissolved or became open). My male side: definitely only attracted to guys, and is very sexual.

[HYHYBT]

Your "male side" sounds precisely like what the sort of guy who complains that he can't understand women would want.

[fireheart17]

Apart from the skinny bit (I prefer a few muscles ) those are my exact preferences too, go figure. Too bad I'm not thier preference .

I'm sure there are plenty of women who prefer a fuzzy and squishy man

[Andara Bledin]

Can't recall which Moore era bond girl was born a bloke, but I don't recall any uglies in the batch

That would be Carline Cossey, better known as Tula, and another Page Three Girl. I remember some notoriety around her back when she was still fighting with the British government to be recognized as a woman.

^-.-^

[Plaidman]

That would be Carline Cossey, better known as Tula, and another Page Three Girl. I remember some notoriety around her back when she was still fighting with the British government to be recognized as a woman.

^-.-^

XD I love how people do the whole urban myth that people claim that no-one told Sean Connery that she was a man and they had mad passionate kisses. When he was told it was a man, he demanded she be fired and threaten to sue.

The above is wrong for many reasons.

1: Sean Connery wasn't James in that movie.
2: She was just a beach girl, basically an extra. She wasn't a true bond girl in the way of having tons of screen time.

As for girls that get off on men kissing? I'd kiss a guy if it meant I get to kiss you too. I'm comfortable with that.

[Kaylyn]

Your "male side" sounds precisely like what the sort of guy who complains that he can't understand women would want.

Hehe, this is why my husband and I get along quite well! I go through my "girly" phases where I read way too much into everything he says and he rolls his eyes at me and shrugs. Then the switch gets flipped and it's a whole 'nother story.

And, in case anyone was wondering, he absolutely considers himself straight, not pansexual. Though he is aware that when he's getting "special" attention, what side of me it's usually coming from. I suppose an argument could be made otherwise, but I don't really think it matters much as long as we're happy with one another.

Sorry for the brief thread drift, just wanted to give a first-hand account of one of those non-strictly-male/female genders.

[Mytical]

Try explaining "asexual for the most part, but I'd want to please my partner sexually." Mix in : Unable to feel jealousy (I understand it, just don't experience it..or at least I understand the theory...bah it's too hard to explain lol), willing and able to be in a Dom/sub relationship..and it doesn't matter as which..Poly but is ok with monogamy (ie if my partner prefers monogamy it wouldn't bother me).

Now I do have a theory on why people are more comfortable with bi females. It is gender stereotyping. Women are seen as more sensitive, caring, and more open. Where as men are seen as mostly homophobic, closed off, etc. Or at least these things were true (ie the stereotype was held) for a very long time. So people accept that a female, who is more caring etc (according to the stereotype) would be able to find both attractive. However, since guys are supposed to be the homophobic (again according to the stereotype) cave men like creatures..there is no way they could be 'bi'.

People, labels should be put to rest. I absolutely consider myself straight, and am very secure in my sexuality. However, for the right partner, in the right setting..who knows what can happen? Cause I keep an open mind about everything (or try .. I can be stubborn). Pansexual, asexual, bisexual, gay, lesbian, straight. It's all just a label. Why let somebody else tell you what you are? Sure it might be hard to explain to some, but really its between you and your special other(s), and none of anybody elses business.

Edit : Have yet to find any male at all attractive. Treat others as you want to be treated..no wait..scratch that. Treat others BETTER then you want to be treated

[Ghel]

I think part of the reason bi or lesbian women tend to be more accepted in western society than bi or gay men is because both men and women tend to find women more beautiful (not attractive, just beautiful) than men, on average. You'll notice this especially in advertising aimed at a broad range of people, that the ads are more likely to feature women than men. That's because both men and women will pay more attention to an ad with a woman in it.

Mytical, what you're saying about the right partner and the right setting makes a lot of sense. To me, what matters more than anything is the emotions, not the physical act of love. I could never have sex with someone that I wasn't at least friends with first. My husband is my best friend, and I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Now, I still maintain that, if I hadn't met my husband, that I could have just as easily ended up in a relationship with a woman as a man. My husband calls me "bi-curious," that I'm not really bi because I've never had sex with a woman. I usually let comments like that drop, but it's like saying that a virgin is asexual. Or that somebody who's been raped by somebody of the same sex is gay. The act does not equal the orientation.

[HYHYBT]

Treat others as you want to be treated..no wait..scratch that. Treat others BETTER then you want to be treated

Wonderful idea, but even at the risk of arguing with Jesus, I have to say it could be worded better. Consider this.

[Skunkle]

That's the thing in my opinion:

Sexuality: Classing "straight", "gay", "lesbian", "bi" etc. make things easy, but so does calling a car "red" when there are many shades of red. There is a spectrum. It's akin to the difference between a motor with three speeds and one with variable speeds. Most people are "mostly gay" or "mostly straight", but there's a wide continuum of places one can be. And it isn't linear, either. Again with analogies, it's a circle rather than a line; the best example of how to explain this is that, were it a straight line with "gay" at one end and "straight" at the other, there is nowhere for asexual, which is also real. I, for example, am bixsexual, approximately 70% gay and 30% straight. I'm currently in a long-term relationship with a man. Pansexual is really a fantastic designation to have been given a name; as has been said, pansexuals fall in love with the individual, regardless of gender. Also, while the suffix "-sexual" unfortunately may give the impression that this only means "who I like to get my rocks off with", I'm not a big fan of inventing new terms constantly and abandoning the old ones as painfully outdated. I, too, have (if only occasionally) been told I need to choose a side, will undoubtedly eventually choose a side, and even "You're being SELFISH by playing both sides - even if you can, you need to pick one so you're not getting more of the pie"!

In the same way, there is a gender spectrum. There is still the male end and the female end, but there is also genderqueer, trans in both directions, questioning, gender-inspecific and gender-neutral, gender-fluid, and many others.

It's not only easy to categorize people, it also makes many people more comfortable with something if they can categorize it. It isn't "nice" and I don't like it, but it's true.

[Setsunaela]

Mytical, I feel like your first paragraph was written about me >.> the only bit that you're missing that I feel is that I'm fairly genderfluid as well, with phases of feeling very masculine, even wishing I wasn't physically female at all, shifting to feeling incredibly happy with my feminine body..
I also am married to a wonderful, gorgeous, bisexual TG/Genderfluid spouse. <3 Physically male, usually wishing he was not, but sometimes content with his physical sex. We're both poly, and in very very open marriage, and we were dating another couple for a while, both of them also bi and poly.. that was fun. heh.
Anyhow, I really do feel very discriminated against within the gay community, both for my bisexuality and my inability to consistently identify with a particular gender. It seems that even the LGBT community is very "pick a side already geez" and it is incredibly frustrating. Unfortunately for those who have to put their people in neat little boxes with labels, I don't really fit in any box particularly well..

[Mytical]

At the risk of alienating some people here, there are times I believe I should have been born female. There are times I don't feel right in my own body. Other times, I am perfectly content. I have way too many hang ups (despite trying not to) for myself, but sometimes I wonder if I was born the wrong sex. Which is very hard to admit to anybody.

[Eisa]

Well, that certainly doesn't alienate me, Mytical. It sounds like you're more gender-fluid, too, or even trans--and that's perfectly ok.

And yes, that is hard to admit. *hug*

I have never felt like I was born in the wrong body...but I have come very close to wishing I was completely gender-neutral.

[smileyeagle1021]

At the risk of alienating some people here, there are times I believe I should have been born female.

Not alienated... kinda surprised though... mainly because I already thought you were female

[Ladeeda]

Not alienated... kinda surprised though... mainly because I already thought you were female

I honestly keep thinking so, even though I've seen Mystical referred to as Male a few times.

Being freaked out by gender-fluid or trannies is one of those things I never could empathize with. I match what I was born with, but was never freaked out by those who weren't.

Sure as hell annoys me when some people are, and don't see anything wrong with that.